The day started out as an ordinary day. It was a Saturday, and we decided to drive down to the beach where we rented a small boat. We wanted to see some dolphins and snorkel a little out in the open water. We only went about 10 miles out. But as it turned out, this ordinary day wasn't so ordinary after all. No, this day was not ordinary in the slightest...
Johnny noticed it first. A white sail, far away on the horizon.
"What the hell is that?" he asked.
Michael squinted in the same direction. The far away ship seemed to be moving towards us.
"Huh..." he said.
That white sail, dear reader, was not the sail of any modern sailboat. Within minutes, that white sail turned into a cluster of white sails. And that cluster of white sails grew to the size of a three-story building. And that three-story-building of a white sail cluster was hoisted atop an enormous, sixteenth century British naval ship, a firstrate to be exact (see picture).
As the ship drew near, we got pretty nervous. And then we all saw it at once. The blood instantly drained from my face and my heart raced in my chest. A black pirate flag just above the white sail, fluttering in the wind.
"Holy shit!"
I ran for the driver's seat of our boat. I cranked the engine, only to hear a horrible crash towards the back of our boat.
"They're shooting cannonballs! They're fucking shooting cannonballs at us!" Johnny screamed.
The engine wouldn't crank. They'd shot off our motor, and the propeller with it. We were sitting ducks.
Another shot rang out, and the water on the starboard side of the boat burst up as a cannonball hit it.
At that point, we truly began to panic.
"FUCK!" Michael screamed. "GET OUT OF THE BOAT!!"
We jumped into the water just as another cannonball crashed into the boat. Now I've swum plenty in my life, but I have to say I've never swum like that before. My legs thrashed and my arms reached out further and further as I swam away from our boat. My body burned, and it soon became hard to breathe. But I kept swimming. A minute later, I looked back just as the ship smashed our small rental boat to pieces. The ship was flying through the water. There was no way to out-swim a sixteenth century firstrate. I mean look at that shit! (again, see picture)
"It's too fast! What do we do??!" I screamed. I looked to my brothers, fear in their eyes as they glanced back at the ship barreling toward us.
"They stopped shooting," Johnny said. The boat was almost upon us, but no more cannonballs hit the water. In fact, they had begun to hoist down the sail, and the oars had stopped. They were stopping.
We kept swimming, praying they'd lost interest. I glanced back again.
A small boat had been lowered down from the side of the ship. Three men, all in pirate costumes, (that's right, fucking pirate costumes) rowed the small boat towards us.
One stood up, and in a gruff, pirate accent, shouted, "Avast! You three had better stop swimmin', or we'll gun ya down! You come along with us, and no harm'll come to ya! Ya have the cap'n's word!"
At this point I was next to tears. I hollered back at the pirate, "Leave us alone! We want to go back to land!"
"T'ain't safe for ya now to go back to the land, me beauty! Ya'd give away arrr position! Ya must come to the ship now or be shot where ya arrr!"
"Holy shit," Johnny said.
We looked at each other, seeing we had no choice at this point. It was either go to the rowboat or be shot dead in the water. We slowly made our way to the small boat. I shook with fear as I swam. The three men helped us up, and then they made way for the ship.
"Why are you making us go to the ship? Let us go back to shore! Let us go and we won't give away your position." I said.
The pirate laughed. "Ah, suuuure, as if I'd put me trust in a lubber like yeeself! Hah!"
"What??.. How do we know you won't hurt us? We've done nothing wrong!" my voice shook.
"Ya don't know, lass, now quiet! Or I'll have yer tongue!"
I don't know what possessed me, but in a panic I jumped off of that boat and swam harder than before! Fuck that pirate!
"Christina!!" Michael yelled after me. "Get back here! They'll shoot you!"
I heard a splash, someone had jumped in after me. I only swam harder. Maybe I could get away. Maybe they wouldn't really shoot to kill. Maybe this was some kind of Ashton Kutcher bullshit Punk episode.
A hand grabbed my leg and yanked me backward in the water. Water filled my nose and mouth, choking me. A strong arm went around my waist and I was being carried back toward the boat. I fought, struggling with all my might. The arm then moved up to my neck and within seconds, everything went dark.
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